Picking Your Wedding Party

 For some couples it's easy, for others it's a daunting task and feelings are hurt. 

Here are a few thoughts on picking your wedding party. 

Consider the long term. 1. Who has been there for you in the past? 2. Who is most likely to be a part of your life in the future? 

Family is family. They will always be there. Even though you might want to pick friends over siblings, chances are, your siblings and your future siblings-in-law are going to be there the rest of your lives. 

Smaller can often be better. Even though you might want to honor all of your friends by including them, it's been my experience that smaller bridal parties are often easier on the couple. Instead of having to cater to 10 friend's wants and needs, usually if you just have a few close friends, they will cater to you. While large wedding parties can be wonderful, more people usually equals more drama. 

If someone has an issue, address it head on. If a friend is hinting that she's hurt to not have been included, I think the best thing to do is have a heart to heart with her. Bottom line, just because you didn't pick someone one, it doesn't mean that you don't love them and that they aren't close. Chances are, if your friend is married and has been through the process of picking attendants themselves, they'll understand. If they aren't married, just wait until their turn comes and they begin to understand that it isn't an easy task. 

You don't have to follow any rules! In Teresa's wedding, her brother Ryan stood on her side, since Patrick included both of his brothers, it would have been odd to have Ryan as the one sibling missing from the wedding party. It's totally fine to have odd numbers, or have bridesmen or a best woman. If you're worried about how it's going to look in pictures, avoid traditional lined up shots and maybe consider a different arrangement for people standing in the front during the ceremony.

What do you think? Have you gone through the picking process yet? Or perhaps you've been left out of a wedding party you expected to be in. Would love all of your thoughts in the comments! 


  1. Oh my gosh . . . thank you so much for this post. My wedding is in 7 months, and I'm still tweaking about our party. My side is: Both of my little sisters as MoH, my 2 room mates from college, my best friend from high school (5 total). My finance has a mix of 4 close friends and his cousin, adding his brother-in-law so we'd each have 5. I spent months trying to figure out our party since we wanted to keep it small at 4 each. Eventually I said, whatever-- I want all of these people and we went to 5. For months I've been feeling guilty that I'm not having his 2 sisters stand with us. I'm very close to them, and I'm excited to be close to them for the rest of our lives. Plus, our wedding is just as much their siblings wedding as it is to my sisters. I've considered just adding them and having 7 girls, but I worry that's too many, and then my brother is the only sibling not standing! So what do we do? Seven girls and six men?? I've given up on having a small, even wedding party if we're including all of the siblings. Any advice??

    1. Thanks so much for telling your story Melissa!

      I really think it's up to you. If you want his sisters & your bro to be a part of things, include them! The difference between 5 and 6-7 on either side really isn't very much both in terms of how it looks photographically and the feel. In fact, when you have them standing on either side up front space wise, sometimes it looks more even with one more lady up there as they tend to take up less space and stand closer together than the guys do.

      If you don't want to expand the bridal party, you could include them in some other way. Having them do a reading, be greeters, candle lighters, etc. Also, I'd suggest making sure you get photos taken with them as well, so they are not only a part of the day, but part of the memories.

      Hope this helps! I'd love to hear what you decide to do.

  2. Love your blog and love Wedding Wednesday!

    I love this blog. Picking our wedding party was a little bit of challenge for me but my fiance kept telling me "you can't put everyone in the wedding and people will understand." He was very sweet about it and made a good point.

    We have decided to mainly do family. We are having 4 bridesmaids, 2 junior bridesmaids, and 4 groomsmen and of the 10 only 3 attendants are not family. I do definitely think your true friends will understand if they are not in it. :)

  3. Love this post!

    We're having five bridesmaids and groomsmen. Easy on my fiance, tough on me! I'm blessed with many girlfriends and I've been in 6 weddings...with the 7th this summer, so obviously I can't pick them all! I decided to have my sister as my Matron of Honor and my sister-in-law as one bridesmaid. Aside from them being family, they're dear friends to me and as you said they'll be there forever!! As for the three friends, I chose them from different phases of life so they are the representatives, if you will: one from home, one from college, one from post-college life. It was a no-brainer to ask those three, but the other ladies I would have added will do other tasks to be involved, from readings to singing to programs. It's tough because I hope they don't feel slighted, but I want them to hang out with me during preparations the day of, getting pictures together, and of course they will be at the rehearsal. Sigh...I still haven't told one yet and I'm dreading it. I will have a heart to heart with her, like you suggested. Thanks so much for this post!

    1. It's never an easy thing, I hope talking to your friend goes well Mary! And thanks for sharing your story.